Play it, Bass Player

DAY, Ext.

ME

blah blah blah..Okay, I mean , I suppose the bottom line is that I want you in my life, and even with all of these considerations and reservations, I think I will just end up playing it as it lays, going with the flow...blah, blah, blah

YOU

Ok

ME

That's it?

********************************************

So much mental space. So many narratives written in my head. This Wordle (thanks Babay) is pretty telling:

Could I be more obsessed! Could I be more self-deluded? WANT RUSSIAN. The wordle indexing does not lie. But still, frustrating that I can write as many stories with him co-star as I want, but he will never be that, not the way he appears in my head. He is his own person. Makes me feel alone, a little. Not that you want a life size doll to speak words you have written for them, but it is weird to think about how far apart people are from each other, how easily they misunderstand one another.

Mostly because sometimes I feel very close. Like with Babay last night. We tried to eat at Bofinger, where the Russian and I ate last week, but it was closed. We ate bad French food instead. The chicken cordon bleu was salty and dry. The fettucine was oily and awesome and reminded me of the kind of food I would make for my after school 'snack' when I was in elementary and high school. The best part of the meal was the celery soup (little salty), the salad dressing (plain) and the bread (delicious). Never a good sign when the soup is better than the meal. But I liked the paper tablecloths, and the funny people who were eating there, as if they were eating good French food. Swishing their wine around in their mouths and giving comments to the waiter. And an excellent visit to Chapters, where we answered a survey, which contrary to the natural order of things, made me laugh. I enjoyed giving the same answers as Babay simultaneously.

Am starving! I'm going to eat all the muffins I made the other day, smothered in butter. Just smothered.