Good Day

Great kickboxing class. I'm glad I went and I should have gone last week. Even though my sparring partner was 200 lbs and kicked like a battering ram. I felt like I might puke and it was hard to breathe, but I feel better now.

I feel better kind of generally. I feel like I will be able to heal, and tonight, walking out into the mild dark after my class, I felt like I wanted to heal on my own terms, the way I want to do it. Rushed then slow, or slow slow slow, I'm not sure how it will happen, but I will to listen to myself and let it happen. This is my life. I can do whatever I want with it.

What will that be? I want to be happy and I want to create something that helps people. I have been thinking about an organization similar to Stella. Sex work is one of the only issues that I have a strong opinion about, and I feel like I could help people. So there's that...

I don't want to stay in this job, but it is not a bad place to be for one or two years. I like the people. Yesterday Art and I had an email exchange prompted by my saying it was so cold I wanted to dive into my cup of tea. We imagined an exploratory safari in the glades on water that went from tea-dark to silty hot chocolate, African Queen style. It was silly, but I love that shit, and it makes the day so much lighter. I also feel like I should learn as much as I can while I am there. It might come in handy when I figure what I really want to be doing with this life that is mine.

Also, butternut squash lasagna is delicious. Even after I have eaten it for four meals straight.

Art also introduced me to Alasdair Gray. I haven't read his books, but after looking at some of his art and what a lovable curmudgeon he is, I am sold!