Discretion

I have four unpublished posts hiding away in my blogger profile. But...I have been thinking about discretion for the past couple of days, how I protect people, how I protect myself when I talk about people. I realize I am not Hercule Poirot (though I want to be him for Halloween), I am not discretion personified. I read Bby's post and it made me realize that I really don't care about things like that - it serves a purpose. When I moan and gripe about the Russian to anyone who will listen, I don't feel guilty. But the other day, I caught myself saying something that was harmless, but really unfair about him. And I said it to strengthen an image about us that I have in my head, with me as the tolerant tower, and him as a stray, someone I have pulled towards me. That's not really how we are at all.

Just to set the record straight.

I am at work right. Everyone is quiet. One too quiet, but I can't seem to pry her open. I went for my government French tests today, and through a copy and paste error in an email (not my fault!), missed the first exam. The second could have been a success and might have been a disaster, I'll only know when I get the results. My French is really abominable. Have to do an oral test next Monday morning. And then I am set up to become I'm not sure what. Eligible, I guess. It was mostly women doing these tests. I wonder why that is. Women, determined to move up the ranks, slowly, the right way, no cheating, no jumping the line. One woman told me smugly that she left comments on three questions she thought were questionably written. It was a weird experience, anyway. I had to get a security pass to go to the 3rd floor, where I got another pass, and then went to 8th floor, but then it turned out I should have been on another 8th floor. Like being in a short story by Kafka.

I need to focus on myself. Figure out something I want to do and begin doing it. My burlesque class was supposed to be that, but it seems that it was not meant to be. I hope there is room in the November session, so I don't lose my money. But I am slowly, so slowly, getting adjusted to being in a couple, and I feel a bit lost in it. Not unhappily so (thought I have a way better handle on the expression -like cats and dogs-) but I need to identify me.

Sabina is in town!

You can watch everything on YouTube. It's amazing. The Russian is going to be a great Hastings.